Berners possess a quiet dignity
|I'd like to tell you a funny story about Sweetie (Sweet Tart). The kids' elementary school decided to hold a fundraiser for the local Animal Shelter. There were different categories, and each category cost one dollar to enter. One category was to submit a picture of your dog, which of course we did. (Everyone was a winner.) The second category was the Pawsitively Tricky category, where your dog does a trick. Libby (our kindergartener) decided she wanted to enter with Sweetie. Her trick? Libby has discovered that if she scratches Sweetie's tummy her hind leg will shake. So Libby went up in front of everyone, with Sweetie on the leash. Of course, Libby is 38 pounds and Sweetie is probably 85 now. They wrapped the leash around the library lady, who was running the show, and they all got tangled. It was a fiasco. Then I went up there and got Sweetie to sit, at which point Libby jumped into action and started scratching her tummy. On cue, the hind leg started thumping up and down, and the crowd cheered! Of course, Libby thinks our dog is the only dog in the world who can do this amazing trick! It was hysterical.
But there's more. Every dog that competed got a prize and a ribbon that says, "Top Dog." Libby went in the school to pick out a prize. She came out with a dog sweater, size small! I just laughed. With all that fur, Sweetie would be tortured if we put a dog sweater on her, especially size small! So we went in and exchanged it for some doggie treats, which were promptly inhaled. It was a wonderful day!
|Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
|TOP 10 REASONS TO BREED YOUR DOG
"The dog was created specially for children.
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who have not got the guts to bite people themselves."
"A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him."
"There is only one smartest dog in the world, and every boy has it."
"Every dog may have his day, but it's the puppies that have the weakends."
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."
"Happiness is a warm puppy."
You can run with the big dogs or sit on the porch and bark.
The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does."
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
"If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either."
"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog."
"A piece of grass a day keeps the vet away"
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
"There is no faith which has never yet been broken except that of a truly faithful dog."
|One reason the dog has so many friends: He wags his tail instead of his tongue.
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
"The more people I meet the more I like my dog"
"No Matter how little money and how few possessions, you own, having a dog makes you rich."
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
"To his dog, every man is Napolean, hence the constant popularity of dogs."
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives."
"A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk."
"It's no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk."
"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
"Any time you think you have influence, try ordering around someone else's dog."